The Aftermath

There can be a strange emptiness that follows a performance experience. I spend the next day replaying each moment in my mind, looking to relive that feeling of intimacy and maybe expose the flaws..... and then  as more days pass it feels like it was a dream and it never happened at all..... in that moment of connection i felt like i was reminded of my life calling, that I knew where to put all my energy.... that fades too and I'm back to a strange stuck place.... now without a project to focus on, now filled with shame over how much I want to continue receiving praise and validation. I look for pictures and videos, I scramble for feedback, i try to keep the experience with me... I feel grief over the loss, coming/crashing down from an altered state to be met with a different reality. . . .  Suddenly i remember that I need to get a job. I need to find a place to live. . . I have graduated from needing a Setlist  to needing an actual plan. . .
damn.